Change Culture: Don't Cancel It
If we want better societies, we need real change. Does Cancel Culture get us there?
I’d like to share a quote with you. It’s one of my very favorite quotes, so I hope you enjoy it. In fact, I’ve been trying to use it somewhere for years and finally found a home for it here. The quote is from Questlove of The Legendary Roots Crew, and it comes from essay series he wrote for Vulture back in 2014. It’s deliciously simple and profound:
“You can tell something’s missing when you see people trying to find it.”
There it is. Isn't it just perfectly shiny? You know what... let's read it again:
“You can tell something’s missing when you see people trying to find it.”
You love it now, don't you? You’re welcome.
I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot the past few months. My conversations, group texts and timelines are filled with voices looking for answers. The world is desperately trying to find...something. Our societies and our systems are limping, trying to adjust and overcome new challenges, and our shortcomings have been exposed. The missing pieces are deafening: peace, justice, security, unity, certainty, etc. The essential elements that hold a society together don’t seem to be there for everyone and people are passionately looking for them. I’m part of the search party; maybe you are too. Most of us want a world that is truly good for all and each generation has a responsibility to find its own set of new improvements. But are our tactics working? Are they good? How have we reacted to the realization of a broken world? How have we decided to fill in the voids? After trying multiple approaches and failing, many of us have come to the conclusion that there’s only one tool left at our disposal, and we’re all reaching for it: cancel everything.
Cancel Culture isn’t simple to define because it’s still an evolving societal behavior with many interpretations and expressions. Some would argue that it isn’t really a new concept but an old phenomenon that has always been a part of the human story. Others have claimed that it’s not even a real thing, at least not in the West where even “canceled” people still find a platform for their voice. But now that it has a name and notoriety, Cancel Culture is suddenly available for anyone and everyone to call upon it whenever they see fit.
There are no agreed-upon rules or formal stipulations for how to “cancel” someone, but it typically operates as follows: when someone causes you or someone else harm, you should “cancel” them by publicly exposing their faults (usually online) and encouraging others to withdraw all support for them until that said person’s voice and influence vanishes from society. We should not ignore the fact that many of the people who have been “canceled” caused others tremendous pain. Many of these stories are tragic and traumatic and we should all want justice for the victims involved. But we should also care to know if the act of “canceling” is truly working.
It’s time to be honest about Cancel Culture’s shortcomings. Not only is the process often irresponsibly careless and harmful in ways it wasn’t intended to be, it is also a ineffective tool for societal advancement. Cancel Culture may create a sense of short-term fix, but we are yet to see it create a permanently improved world. The issues with Cancel Culture flow from its assumption that all evil resides in a few select people that we just need to erase. It mistakenly believes that humanity comes in batches of good and bad. If we cancel the “bad” batch we will inherit a “good” community. And yet, here we are, evil still spreading and pieces still missing, no matter how many people have been "canceled". What if the way to build better futures isn’t by “canceling” whoever is wrong but by paving better paths? What if we could replace Cancel Culture with a more efficient and caring "Change Culture? After all, isn’t that what we all actually want anyway — real and lasting change?
Let’s see systems with unjust practices changed into system with true justice for all.
Let’s see societies with discriminatory ideologies changed into societies with holistically good ideas.
Let’s see people with hateful hearts changed into people with loving hearts.
No culture merely emerges out of thin air. Cultures are formed over time, shaped day by day by the people who face inescapable and difficult realities in their communities. Cancel Culture too is a reaction to other stubborn cultural norms, namely Cover-Up Culture, Counter-Apology Culture, and Caught-Guilt Culture. On their own, each of these have hurt countless communities who have continually cried out for change. Ignoring and justifying these damaging norms is what set up the stage for Cancel Culture to enter the world emboldened and unashamed. So while we can't cancel Cancel Culture itself, we can find better norms to live from. And then, maybe, our future will warmly welcome a healthier culture of Change to our societies.
We can get there, but it will take some effort.
Less Cover-Ups, More Consequences
Nothing I can think of sums ups Cover-Up Culture's tiring effect better than Jesse Pinkman’s famous "He can't keep getting away with it!" line on Breaking Bad. If you’ve never seen the show or don’t remember the scene, try to imagine it with me: when Jesse exploded in frustration, he was also shouting for all of the viewers at home, who suffered along with him by watching Walter White (the show’s protagonist and Jesse’s criminal partner and supposed friend) continuing to dodge his own real reckoning while redirecting the burden onto Jesse and countless others. That same exclamation, a sense of inescapable anger and defeat, is the way many feel today whenever they survey their own circumstances.
Cover-Up Culture's existence isn't a surprise. No one was ever so naïve to think that every person who committed a significant wrong in our midst suffered adequate repercussions for their actions. But something seems to have shifted recently. Perhaps it was the rise of social media, body cameras and endless unsolved true crime documentaries. Perhaps it was just exhaustion’s eventual effect arriving at our doorsteps. Perhaps it’s the prophecies or revolution being fulfilled. Whatever caused it, it opened the world’s eyes just a little bit wider so we could clearly see the discrepancies in our systems. Many, or enough of us, have chosen to stop looking away from the gross oversights we once trusted. Will Smith explained this phenomenon appropriately when he recently commented that “racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed.” And while racism is a perfect example of this observation, the same has also been true for financial malpractice, abuse and harassment, political corruption, academic exploitation, and on and on. These things have always happened, but thankfully, they're getting harder and harder to ignore. That’s good.
This is where Cancel Culture stepped in to fill in the voids that cover-ups created. Realizing that the leadership and structures that were supposedly put in place to ensure proper justice failed us, everyday people decided to take it upon themselves to make sure that these mistakes are properly paid for. When people are no longer confident that the right consequences will be handed to the real aggressors and abusers, they stop waiting for nothing to happen and chose to short-cut the system by publicly “canceling” the people at fault. The online mob’s goal is to make sure that the guilty party is identified, stripped of as much as possible, and never heard of again. We must admit that this strategy can feel undeniably tempting. If we can ensure some semblance of justice now, why wait? Let us not lose sight of the real goal though. Does this strategy generate what we actually want — a better and changed world?
We wouldn’t have to rely on mob justice, which often gets the punishment and process wrong too, if appropriate consequences were consistently employed by the people and systems we should be able to count on. If we want the world to stop "canceling" people, then we need to show them a clear and reliable pattern where those at fault receive the right consequences for their words and actions. Consequence Culture needs to be abundant and transparent. Cover-Ups need to become the rare shocking exceptions and consequences need to become the expected norm. Making this shift will present a number of different obstacles and will mean very different strategies depending on the organization and government undertaking the challenge. But it would be worth our energy and focus. The key words to remember are these: ensure the right consequences for the wrong behaviors regardless of the persons’ position or influence, always.
More consequences and less cover ups will eventually mean less canceling. We can get there, but it will take some effort.
Less Counter-Apologies, More Confessions
Apologies are powerful. They don't undo wrong, but they do open some doors for healing. Unfortunately, real apologies are a rare find. Instead, most apologies we hear today are flat out bad apologies, or "Counter-Apologies". You've heard them: blame-shifting, no ownership taken, shades of "mistakes were made" with dashes of “not our intention”. All of these Counter-Apologies only serve to fan Cancel Culture's flame. By not offering a substantial apology, the offense is minimized and the victims feel little-to-no relief from the weight that was already thrown on their backs. Eventually, the victims rise up and demand a “cancelation” of those who not only hurt them but didn’t even properly admit that they did so. Maybe it's time we search for real ways to apologize. We need Confession Culture.
A Counter-Apology is when a religious leaders who said or did something deeply racist only replies with “Those words don’t reflect my heart”. But a genuine confession never detaches our words from our heart. We do mean the words we say. It's why we said them. Jesus of Nazareth believed in that reality, which is why He warned us: "out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." We should believe Him. A confession says “I’m sorry. My words have exposed ugly and unchecked prejudices in my heart. I need to learn and repent so that I don’t repeat this.”
A Counter-Apology is when business leaders whose emotional abusive practices are revealed only reply with "I didn’t mean to cause any harm”. But a genuine confession never downplays harm. If we've caused hurt, it's on us to repair it. It doesn't matter if we meant to cause it or not. The harm is done. A confession says “I’m sorry. My carelessness caused you great pain. I’m responsible for it and I must change.”
A Counter-Apology is when political leaders live under the pretense that they never have anything to apologize for and only go as far as claiming that it's the social norms that "have begun to change". But a genuine confession never blames cultural shifts. It understand that we should always examine ourselves and find fault. A confession says “I’m sorry. I created a culture that ignored oppression and left no room for criticism. That’s evil and I’ve hurt many people through it. I must change.”
The most beautiful aspect of Confession Culture is that it stirs the waters of self-improvement. A confession is an opportunity to know better and do better. A confession opens our hearts beyond selfish self-protection. It toils our soil for richer fruitfulness. Real confession leads to real change.
More confessions and less apologies will eventually mean less canceling. We can get there, but it will take some effort.
Less Caught-Guilt, More Compassion
One of the most interesting observations about Cancel Culture are the parallels that may exist between it and Honor-Shame mentalities. Abdu Murray eloquently pondered on this connection and his ideas reminded me of one of Honor-Shame's most distinct features: the goal is not to avoid making mistakes, but to avoid being caught making mistakes. Apart from being caught, there is no real guilt in Honor-Shame. In short, Caught-Guilt Culture encourages us to conceal all wrong (Cover-Up) and deny it at all costs (Counter-Apology) because if you are indeed considered guilty, all hope is lost. This cycle is essential for Cancel Culture's survival and works against any desire for lasting change.
Our communities want to move forward, changing for the better. If all we can offer to guilty offenders is a guilty verdict, we deny ourselves a chance for change. What we need instead, are people who believe that if they own up to their mistakes, they will not expire. To get there, we must rescue a missing element in our culture that may be so deeply misunderstood that I'm not sure we'd even recognize it if we found it: compassion.
Compassion Culture requires a monumental shift from where we are today but it would enrich every society that embraces it. We must understand what compassion really is and openly offer it. Compassion sees the world through the hearts of others and wishes the very best for them. It does not avoid real consequences, even extremely difficult ones like job termination and imprisonment, because it knows that these consequences are often the very best thing that someone can receive. But compassion also ensures that consequences are appropriate and consistently fair for all. And compassion still requires confessions because it knows that by confessing, we can finally repent, and by repenting we can finally change. Compassion Culture would completely reshape incarceration, politics, academia and health care for the better, to name a few. We need to find compassion, or we won't find change.
Jesus once told a story of a young man who left his home in search of a new life. He spent all the money his father gave him but didn’t find what he was looking for. His only option was to return home ashamed and remorseful. Here’s a man who selfishly tore into his family’s finances and brought nothing of value back. He heads home rehearsing a confession fully intent on accepting his consequences. He made a series of grave mistakes but was finally choosing to avoid harmful norms like cover-ups and counter-apologies. But even then, his final fate was not up to him. His father would decide it. How would his father see his return? Would he shun him, demote him, and cancel him? He certainly had the right to. This is how Jesus describes the father’s reaction to his prodigal son’s return: “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.”
There is a reason why this is one of the most memorable parables that Jesus ever told. It has stuck through time and traveled across languages because no matter what generation or culture it arrives at, the father’s reaction always feels unexpected and moving. Why did the father have compassion for someone who virtually canceled him? The answer is in the father’s intent: he didn’t want his son canceled; he wanted his son changed. The father felt compassion. Do we?
More compassion and less caught-guilt will eventually mean less canceling. We can get there, but it will take some effort.
Change Culture
Hating Cancel Culture won’t end it. We created it. If we’re not happy with it, we need to realize that as long as we allow other unjust norms to exist among us, Cancel Culture will continue to be called upon. If we want a culture of real change, real hope, and real unity, we now have a genuine chance to do better. Let’s unlearn harmful norms and prepare our souls to recognize a better way. Let’s change.
Hebert “H” Cabral
Learning to be. In love with my wife, our three children, and our Savior. Serving End Prejudice as a leader and communicator.